


Sports News!

by coldthing



Series: FalcsTV [1]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: CW: Hockey violence and glorification thereof, Epistolary story, Gen, M/M, actual hockey content, and the Penguins, eric bittle is a pest, jack Zimmermann lowkey hates the habs, sports news
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-08-21 20:38:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16583741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coldthing/pseuds/coldthing
Summary: “Honestly, I think we’re skirting around what people really want to talk about today, am I right?”Highlight of Jack Zimmermann hugging a smaller blond man, bending over to kiss him before the camera quickly pans away.





	1. Jack Zimmermann

**Author's Note:**

> I made up some hockey players and some teams and some names, and vastly simplified the NCAA divisions because I don’t want to go down too deep a rabbit hole of hockey research.

_“Welcome to the post game show, we’ve got some interesting developments for you here tonight, but I think the thing on everyone’s minds right now is, you guessed it...”_

 

> Scorecard Highlight: Picture of Jack Zimmermann, brow furrowed, mouth set into a frown.
> 
> Jack Zimmermann #1 A
> 
> 6’1” 200lbs,
> 
> C, Shoots: Right
> 
> 2017-2018 Regular Season
> 
> GP: 80 G: 32 A: 36 P:68 PIM: 20

_“Jack Zimmermann!”_

_“Well Zimmermann certainly is a top candidate for play off MVP, but the entire series had me on the edge of my seat, game 1 to game 7. The Falconers pulling off a miraculous comeback”_

_“Thanks in large part to Jack Zimmermann”_

_“I did say when Zimmermann is good, he is perfect. But after the spectacular performance, I can’t help but think that the Falconers are worrying about when Zimmermann isn’t good, because we know from his history that when he has a bad game, he’s a danger to everyone on the team”_

 

> Highlight from the minors of Zimmermann missing shot after shot, going down hard after a relatively minor check, and shouting at a ref about over a blown-out skate

_“Your comparing the sportsmanship of a 16-year-old under an incredible amount of pressure...”_

_“.... we all know what happened when that pressure became too much for him....”_

_“No, you’re not going to bring that up. Your comparing the sportsmanship of a 16-year-old, to the sportsmanship of a 23-year-old.  The two are not comparable, Zimmermann was without a doubt talented at 18, but Zimmermann isn’t the only young man to have a meltdown when presented with the prospect of playing professional hockey. Young draftees like him need time to mature as players and as men before they can compete in an environment like the NHL”_

_“Ahem.”_

_“Zimmermann isn’t the fastest skater, but he’s by far the best play maker on the team, there is a reason he’s usually paired with a fast winger who can get to where Zimmermann puts the puck before anyone else even realizes whats going on “_

 

> Highlight from Samwell Vs Cornell, Zimmermann cycles the puck between himself and two defensemen before faking a shot, but instead a quick pass to a forward jockeying for position behind the goalie on the far side of the net, the forward puts the puck into the empty corner of the net because the goalie has moved forward to brace for one of Zimmermann ’s punishingly hard wrist shots.
> 
> Highlight from Falconers Vs Senators, Zimmermann lands a long pass to a forward who is cycling up to cover a defenseman inching down from the blueline, the forward dodges the defenseman and takes off up the ice unimpeded. The forward fakes the goalie out and puts the puck in on the blocker side.

_"I know a lot of people wanted Jack Zimmermann to be another Bad Bob”_

 

> Highlight of Bob Zimmermann with his sweater half off and an Oilers player in a head lock.
> 
> Highlight of Bob Zimmermann in the middle of a shoving match on top of the Penguins goal line.
> 
> Highlight of Bob Zimmermann trading punches with a player in a Red Wings sweater.
> 
> Highlight of Bob Zimmermann with a bloody nose cheerily waving at the camera from the penalty box.

_“and comparisons to legacy brawler Alex Morrissey, son of Motormouth John Morrisey are obvious”_

> Side by side highlight of two similarly lantern-jawed men in Islanders sweaters brawling with two different Rangers players behind the net while two different Islanders goalies’ look on in exasperation. One highlight is poor quality from the 1980s while the other is sharp and digital

_“...But he’s much more of a finesse player. Bad Bob was a goon who could score, but while Jack Zimmermann is still developing as a player, yes, still, he isn’t nearly as physical as his father. Now that could just be due to the changing nature of hockey and a new understanding of concussions, or he could just be....”_

_“Well he’s smaller than his father for one...”_

> Highlight of Jack Zimmermann bouncing off Zdeno Chara and landing on his ass as he checks the Bruins captain while trying to get control of the puck behind the net. Chara skates away unperturbed; Zimmermann gets up looking a little dazed.
> 
> Highlight of Bob Zimmermann clobbering   a massive defenseman in a Flyers sweater so hard the defenseman flips head over heels and lands hard on the ice. Zimmermann doesn’t even make it to the offensive blue line before he’s mobbed down by the rest of the Flyers on the ice.

_“And that’s not a bad thing, so many of the great players were dismissed early on because they weren’t giants or were unable to reach their full potential because they were shoehorned into an enforcer role. Zimmermann is not exactly small, he’s got a hell of a lot of endurance and he’s still young, I don’t think he’s reached his full strength yet.…”_

_“Still, he if doesn’t use that strength to his advantage, if he embraced that physicality, I think he could be even more than just a play maker, I think he’s only dropped his gloves once this season and his penalty minutes are some of the lowest in the league…”_

> Highlight of a slash to the forearms of Brendan Gallagher, Zimmermann looking surprised a bit embarrassed when the play is whistled dead and he's sent to the penalty box.

_“Ha ha...boy he really likes taking it out on the Habs...I think most of his penalty minutes this season were against them.”_

> Highlight of Zimmermann landing a dirty hip check to the blind side of a Canadians forward, sending the forward sprawling into the boards.
> 
> Highlight of Zimmermann tripping up a Canadians player out from in front of the Falconers crease.
> 
> Highlight of Zimmerman getting his stick stuck under the visor of Max Domi and almost taking the Canadians forward’s helmet off when he tugs it lose. The play is whistled dead and a shoving match starts between Sean Fitzgerald and Shea Weber.

_“Oh yeah, but don’t forget that Gordie Howe hat trick in the final game against the Schooners”_

> Highlight of Zimmermann, his helmet and gloves off, the armpit of Schooners forward Andre Martinieux sweater clenched in his fist.  The two players trade punches, for a few seconds, Zimmermann managing to bloody Martinieux’s nose in the process. The linesman pulls them apart and escorts Zimmermann to the penalty box. As he passes the Falconers bench, Zimmermann pats Alexei Mashkov, who Martinieux had injured one game previously on the shoulder.

_“...and much to everyone’s disappointment it was not against Kent Parson”_

> Succession of Highlights of Zimmerman deftly stickhandling around Parson.
> 
>  Highlight of Parson putting his shoulder into a check to Zimmermann ’s chest, knocking Zimmermann over so he tumbles head first into the Aces bench.
> 
> Highlight of Manfred Soto, the Aces massive third line forward cross-checking Zimmermann from behind, when Zimmermann stumbles Soto drops his gloves off and grabs Zimmerman’s sweater, twisting it up around the armpit before landing a punch to Zimmermann’s temple. Zimmerman, seeming to want no part in the fight puts his own gloves up in front of his face and   tries to take the brunt of the punches with his shoulder before a linesman pulls Soto off.

_“Despite Parson’s best attempts at instigation... The Falconers have plenty of goons on the team   to protect their golden goose.”_

> Highlight of Alexei Mashkov hauling Parson off the Falconer’s prone goalie by the back of his sweater.
> 
> Highlight of a scrum between the Aces and the Falconers just outside the Aces goal line. St. Martin has an Aces forward in a submission hold. Zimmermann is standing to the side, holding onto the sweater of an Aces defenseman as the linesman pull the combatants apart.

_“From the few matches we’ve seen it looks like these two brand new teams are set to start a rivalry for the ages!”_

_“Don’t tell the Bruins, they are still out of sorts that another city in New England was awarded an NHL franchise, let alone that the Falconers are infringing on their farm team. The Bruins were all set to do to the Falconers what they did to the Whalers”_

_“Boston does have a very long memory. I’m sure Bad Bob would have words to say if his son had signed with the Bruins.”_

_“But about Jack Zimmermann and Kent Parson, despite the friction between their teams, the two have been downright cordial to each other.”_

_“Of course, in light of recent events it lends new credibility some of the rumors about their relationship and the source of their ability to pull off those no-look tape-to-tape passes in the minors..”_

_“The Aces didn’t even make the play offs this year”_

" _Honestly, I think we’re skirting around what people really want to talk about today, am I right?”_

> Highlight of Jack Zimmermann hugging a smaller blond man, bending over to kiss him before the camera quickly pans away.

_“Well we know Zimmermann is still close with his teammates from Samwell, it’s not unusual to see them at Falconers home games, and I think having that kind of connection to previous teams is more important than people realize. Like I said before, Zimmerman was a talented player in the minors, but I think his time at Samwell is what really taught him leadership”_

_“Now who’s avoiding the topic”_

> Highlight: post play off press conference, someone yells from off screen “Who was that you kissed last night, during the celebration ?!”  and the whole room drops into silence.
> 
> Zimmermann looks bewildered, “My boyfriend?” He says as if he had just been asked if the sky is blue or not and isn’t sure if the asker is joking or genuinely doesn’t know.
> 
> The press room erupts into noise.

_“Well, hockey robots have relationships too”_

_“we never did get an answer as to what the Falconer’s locker room thought of that revelation”_

_“Based on Robinson and St. Martin’s lack of surprise, Zimmermann has most likely has been out to them since he was drafted”_

> Repeat of the highlight of Zimmermann kissing his boyfriend, this time from a different angle, the camera does not pan away this time. Zimmermann lifts the smaller man off the ground and swings him around in a pirouette, kissing him again before the camera loses sight of him in a crowd of people.

_“Zimmermann ’s kiss is pretty tame compared to some of the things players have done after hoisting the cup, need we mention Komarov’s wife?”_

> Highlight of Sergei Komarov being tackled by a tall blond woman, bowling him back onto the ice, and knocking the Stanley cup over. The woman lands in Komarov’s lap, kissing him, and it’s clear that Komarov has gotten his hands up under her Seattle Tidal sweater, and she seems to be in the process of unlacing his hockey pants.

_“But the precedent it sets, the cat is out of the bag now that Zimmermann is out, what is that going to mean for other players…._

_“You can’t deny that men’s professional sports have a homophobia problem ….”_

_“I think that’s a little harsh…”_

_“There’s no shortage of evidence that the NFL, NBA and NHL are all hostile to LGBT players…yet the members of the Canadian and American women’s Olympic teams keep getting married…”_

> Highlight: Interview with Georgia Martin, Falconer’s Assistant GM, (Team USA, ’14, D, Shoots: Left)
> 
> “I’ll admit It wasn’t how Jack planned it, but the response has been better than he ever expected, and Jack knows he has all of us in his corner. I’m proud that he wants to be part of the kind of organization I want the Falconers to become.”
> 
> Highlight of the Stanley Cup parade in downtown Providence. Zimmermann looking red eyed, scruffy and disheveled raises the cup over his head to cheering crowds.
> 
> Highlight of Zimmermann posing with a group of college students who have brought out a Pride flag with the Falconers logo stitched in the middle. Zimmermann puts his arms around two of their shoulders and grins for the camera.
> 
> Highlight of the parade again, Zimmermann has his arm around the shoulders of his boyfriend, resting his chin on the shorter man’s head. Zimmermann has taken off his Falconers sweater and is only wearing a close-fitting blue t shirt, his boyfriend looks like he might drown Zimmermann’s Falconers sweater.  They both wave to the crowd.

_“I think the response is clear,”_

_“we’ll be back after these messages”_


	2. Eric Bittle

_“And we’re back, now it wasn’t hard to identify Jack Zimmermann’s blond beau…”_

_“I can’t believe you even said that…”_

_“That beau is Eric Richard Bittle from Madison Georgia, and he’s got quite a social media presence.  Bittle is a former team mate of Jack’s, and the current captain of the Samwell men’s team, he also apparently bakes.”_

> Highlight of the Samwell team warming up on the ice before a game, Bittle skates in quick, tight circles around the face-off dot, deftly switching directions several times without losing speed.
> 
> Scorecard Highlight: Picture of Eric Bittle, looking slightly startled with a cowlick and chin-strap acne.
> 
> Eric Bittle #15 C
> 
> 5’6” 170lbs,
> 
> RW, Shoots: Right
> 
> 2017-2018 Regular Season
> 
> GP: 38 G: 9 A: 20 P:29 PIM: 41

_“Bittle’s skating ability is consistently spectacular, but on a team with a star like Zimmermann he’s mostly skated (ha ha) under the radar”_

> Highlight from Samwell Vs. Dartmouth. Bittle has the puck to the left of the goal, he cuts back, stopping, showering the wall with snow, accelerates forward, and cuts sharply around again. Bittle curves towards the back of the net, skates heel to heel in a tight mowhawk turn, cuts again and reverses direction so quickly and sharply that the Dartmouth player at his back can’t keep his edge and trips up over his own skates. Bittle comes up from behind the net, and the Dartmouth goalie fearing a wrap around, slides over, knee going down to the ice to protect the corner of the net.  Bittle flicks the puck up over the screen of players to Zimmerman, and Zimmermann buries it in the top corner. The Dartmouth goalie seems a little confused as to where the shot game from.

_“But we talked to some of his opponents, and do they ever paint an interesting picture”_

_“Honestly, the worst part is that he’s so polite about it. Like dude, you just slew footed me and then you have to be a gentleman about it? Come on! Don’t get me wrong, Bittle is probably one of the best skaters in the division, but you would never know because he plays such a fucking dirty game”_

_\-- Josh Gavin (Boston College ‘16 LW)_

> Highlight of Bittle tripping up a player in a Terrier’s sweater just past defensive blue line, the player goes sprawling, and slides a few feet before running up against the boards.  Bittle looks surprised when the referee whistles. The crowd boos as the referee ushers Bittle into the penalty box.
> 
> The camera zooms in on Bittle leaning towards the side of the box that borders on the Terrier’s bench and mouthing “SORRY, MY BAD”
> 
> Highlight of Bittle yanking a puck out from under a scum against the walls with the toe of his stick and dragging the stick across the knees of two Crimson players in the process, tripping them up so that one falls, and the other staggers against a Samwell defenseman. Bittle passes the puck out to center ice where Zimmermann   picks it up.
> 
> Highlight of Bittle blatantly landing his stick across the wrists of a player in UMASS purple in order to steal the puck from him. Bittle dodges past a defenseman and passes the puck back behind the net to where another forward is waiting. Behind him the UMASS player who had been slashed shouts something at the ref, but play is waved on.

_“I wonder what Zimmermann thinks of Bittle’s status as the #1 pest in the NCAA?”_

_“Ha-ha, considering what a straight and narrow player Zimmermann is”_

> Highlight of Bittle inspecting his fingernails while sitting in the penalty box.

_“How to deal with Eric Bittle, just take your biggest guy and have him sit on Bittle every time he’s out on the ice. Bittle is fast and chirpy, but those two monster defensemen can't watch his back all the time. He can’t take a hit, he legit flops over dead if you even touch his shoulder. Like he’s not even diving, he just can’t take it.”_

_\-- Tom Stafford (Boston College ‘17 C)_

> Highlight of Bittle struggling to get up after being shoved hard into the boards at the point.
> 
> Highlight of a shoving, scrambling scrum on top of the Samwell crease. A Harvard player gets his shoulder in between   two Samwell players, one of them Bittle, the other one of Samwell’s big stay-at-home - defenseman shoving them apart.  Bittle staggers visibly and loses his balance.
> 
> Highlight of Bittle going down and staying down on the ice behind the net long enough for a whistle blow. The Samwell trainer comes out and helps Bittle to his feet, Bittle skates off under his own power, but he seems shaky as he's escorted back to the dressing room.

_“The only reason you’re even interested in him because he made out with Jack Zimmermann, if he hadn’t outed this year’s top Calder contender on live TV, no one would care about him.”_

_\- Kevin March (Amherst College ‘17 LW)_

> Highlight of Jack Zimmermann hugging Eric Bittle, bending over to kiss him before the camera quickly pans away.

_“Bittle has been out at Samwell since his Freshman year, but Samwell is a college that has always embraced its identity as a progressive environment.  It had one of the first women’s studies programs in the country, as well as producing some of the most prominent LGBTQ thinkers and policy makers in the past few decades. That Bittle felt comfortable being openly gay in that environment is not surprising, many other institutions have struggled with homophobia in their athletics programs, but Samwell has largely avoided it”_

_“Well if Samwell is so open, why didn’t Zimmermann come out.”_

_“Maybe he thought it would hurt his chances in the draft?”_

_“Well it’s a moot point now”_

> Highlight: Interview with Jean Claude Hall (Head Coach Samwell men’s ice hockey, Northeastern ‘77) and Nick Murray (Assistant Coach, Boston University ‘83)
> 
> Interviewer: “Weren’t you worried that having two players in romantic relationship would impact team cohesion?”
> 
> Hall: “Our only concern was their hockey. Bittle was originally put on Zimmerman’s line because we needed his speed. They had great chemistry on the ice, playing together improved both of their play by leaps and bounds,”
> 
> Murray: “They wouldn’t be the players they are today if they hadn’t pushed each other to surpass their limits.”
> 
> Interviewer: “But didn’t you worry about the loss of that chemistry if their relationship hit a rocky patch?”
> 
> Hall: “They’re both adults, and understand that on the ice, hockey comes first”


	3. Kent Parson

“ _And we’re back again, of course there’s one person who we really need to talk too”_

“ _Oh yes, Zimmermann’s arch rival himself, the Aces Kent Parson”_

> Scorecard Highlight: Picture of Kent Parson grinning at the camera, he looks very young.
> 
> Kent Parson #90 C
> 
> 5’10 180lbs
> 
> LW, Shoots: Left
> 
> 2017-2018 Regular Season
> 
> GP:81 G:51 A:58 Pts:109 PIM: 69
> 
> Parson: Arch rival, are you really going to say that on the air?
> 
> Interviewer: more importantly did you root for Zimmermann in the finals?
> 
> Kent Parson looks startled by the question, he rubs the back of his neck and takes his hat off, then puts it back on.
> 
> Parson: Uh, yeah, yeah, I did.
> 
> Interviewer: Despite the clear animosity between your teams? I know some of your team mates took it upon themselves to target Zimmermann on the ice. I know some think that the Aces and the Falcs might end up in a situation like the Wings and the Avalanche during the late 90s.
> 
> Parson: Oh no no, the Aces and the Kings have enough rivalry for 5 teams. We don’t need any more especially during a rebuild. I gave Zimms a good dump into the bench, its good fun, it's always a great challenge to play against him.
> 
> Highlight: Kent Parson checks Jack Zimmermann in the shoulder as he chases the puck along the boards by the Aces bench. The hit catches Zimmermann off balance as he grabs the puck and prepares to reverse direction to pull the puck back to a trailing defenseman. Zimmerman tumbles back, falling over the boards, one arm flailing to keep his balance. Zimmermann all but disappears out of sight except for his skates as no one on the Aces bench stop him from falling.
> 
> Announcer: Ouch! Parson dumps Zimmermann like a sack of potatoes, that’s going to be on the highlights tonight!
> 
> A second later Zimmermann reappears and swings a leg over the boards and is back on the ice as if nothing happened.
> 
> Interviewer: Did you want to get a chance to play him in the post season?
> 
> Parson: Jack is an amazing player, he earned that victory. But if it had been against the Aces, he would have had to try against next year.
> 
> Interviewer: and what about what came after?
> 
> Parson’s expression flickers slightly, and his mouth turns down, and he opens his mouth to say something, but then stops and frowns, he closes his mouth. It’s a very long moment before he opens it again.
> 
> Parson: Its good Jack has someone to share the victory with.
> 
> Interviewer: You know Zimmermann’s coming out is making a lot of people reconsider your close relationship with him during your time in major junior.
> 
> Parson’s expression goes hard and closed off
> 
> Parson: I try to never get involved in other player’s personal lives, I’m just here to play hockey.

“ _We do have some highlights from those games, as I said earlier, Zimmermann and Parson are downright cordial to each other, but that does not go for the rest of their teams”_

> Highlight: PVD@LAV 1/9/18
> 
> Announcer: and you could hear that hit from Troy on Hossa from up here, but the puck squirts free, picked up by Zimmermann, passed up to Robinson, oh and we’ve got something going behind the play folks. Looks like Mashkov took offense to that hit on Hossa. Gloves are down! We’re off to the races folks.
> 
> Alexi Mashkov and Jeff Troy grapple with each other, gloves off, but neither of them has gotten their helmets off. Both know how to fight, and the match seems little more than them tugging at each other’s sweaters until Mashkov lands a heavy body blow to Troy.
> 
> Hossa seems a little shaky, but he grabs hold of an Aces player and hangs on for dear life.
> 
> Its Jaromir Jagr who hauls Mashkov off before the officials have even reached them, and for a moment it looks like Jagr and Mashkov are going to go have a go at it before Parson skates up and puts a hand on Jagr’s arm, Jagr shrugs his shoulders and let’s go of Mashkov, taking a few steps back.
> 
> Analyst: I will never get used to seeing Jaromir Jagr stand down on the order of a guy younger than his hockey career.
> 
> Analyst: Mashkov has always been a stay at home guy, with Guy Lalande out, he's definitely taking the role as the back-end protector very seriously. Though I’m not sure he really has the understanding Guy does about when it is appropriate to drop gloves and when just a little shove will be sufficient.
> 
> Zimmermann and Parson consult with the official, both of them looking constipated and put upon while the penalties are assessed. Zimmerman has his mouthguard sideways and clenched between his teeth, biting down hard on it, while Parson talks rapidly, gesturing with the hand not clutching his stick. Parson is shorter than both the ref and Zimmermann and it makes him look even younger.

“ _I don’t think any legacy player has had such high expectations put on him as Zimmermann, the league has no shortage of Hulls and Donatos and the ever multiplying Tkachuks, but Bad Bob Zimmermann in his prime was something else.”_

“ _I’m going to disagree with you there, Bad Bob was a tough guy with decent aim, he was a strong skater sure, but his stick work was never beyond mediocre, he was always a moving piece in someone else’s play. Of the two of them Jack is clearly the stronger player, all those yahoos who complain that hockey is less physical now and that ruins the game, has not watched Jack Zimmermann play. He’s a durable power forward, who can dish out heavy hits as well as use his skating skills to protect the puck, but it’s his hockey instincts that let him able to take control of any play no matter how bad or broken it is, and that is what makes him a Conn-Smyth winner, not his admittedly spectacular Gordie Howe in game 7”_

> Highlight: LAV@PVD 3/1/18
> 
> Announcer: and that’s an ugly shove by Timo Haakana on Radek Ulanov, in front of the Aces goal, Ulanov just came back off IR, he's having trouble getting to his feet, and here comes Dieter Thiessen, with his gloves already off for Haakana, looks like Zimmermann is going to get involved too
> 
> Analyst: well that is not a fair match up, Thiessen has a huge reach advantage over Haakana, but Haakana is always a little bit chippy.
> 
> Tale of the Tape
> 
> Timo Haakana 5’10 200lbs
> 
> Dieter Thieseen 6’3 230lbs
> 
> Announcer: looks like Jagr has Zimmermann by the back of the sweater, and that seems to have calmed him down, but Thieseen and Haakana are still going at it. Ulanov is being helped off the ice, looks like someone drew some blood.
> 
> The refs and linesman haul Haakana and Theieseen apart.
> 
> Announcer: oh no, looks like Jagr and Zimmermann are having heated words now, Parson’s coming over, I wonder if we’re going to get that long anticipated Q League rematch from these former team mates.
> 
> Analyst: Doubtful, Parson may be known for his greasy play, but he doesn’t bring it to the refs, and he doesn't fight, and Bad Bob may have been a legendary goon, but Jack Zimmermann is pretty much writing the text book on dishing out heavy hits so clean they sparkle. I think the media just loves a grudge match real or imagined, I think the teams are just feeding on the crowd who have bought into the manufactured rivalry between these two teams.

“ _Aces and Falcs, always a good time”_

> Interviewer: Those are some highlight worthy scraps
> 
> Parson: I had words with Hack and Swoops after the game, I don’t tolerate that kind of disrespect from my team.
> 
> Interviewer: SO, you didn’t ask them to rough up Zimmermann’s teammates.
> 
> Parson: I don’t need others to fight for me on the ice


End file.
